This is the year of Lisa

It's 2008 and I'm excited! We are having a contest at work. It's a "Biggest Loser" competition. There are 14 of us and we all put $60 in the pot. We weigh in this week and then again in 4 months. Whoever loses the most percentage of body weight, wins the pot! I am determined to win! I am at my heaviest weight of my life except for at the end of my last pregnancy, I was 3 pounds heavier. While the contest at work is a great motivator, I am not determined to win for the money. There are far more greater reasons for me to do this. First of all, I have three beautiful children. I want to be there for them for a long time. When I say that, I don't mean I merely want to be alive. I want to BE there! I want to have energy and strength for them. I want to play with them. I don't want them to be embarrassed of their mother. I am also doing this for me. I feel like crap! I ache all over. I hate stairs. I love food. I don't sleep well. I hate wearing shoes with laces. I don't have enough energy at work, which doesn't make me the best employee. I'm an EMERGENCY ROOM NURSE! I save lives! Why am I killing myself? I want to feel sexy and strong and I want to be the person I know is deep inside of me, covered up by all the fat, afraid to come out but wanting to come out. I want people to see that person. I want my kids to see her. I want my parents to see her. I wany my husband to see her! She is ME! I will do this!