Questions #2 and 3

Why do you want to lose weight?
I think I answered this in my first blog, so refer to that.
Why have you been unable to mantain weightloss in the past?
Again, duh, I like food. I must yet again dig, dig, dig...argh. Growing up, I was not fat. I was pretty hot...lol. I got plenty of attention from the opposite sex and I enjoyed that. I started to gain weight when I graduated from high school and went off to college. Maybe I started turning to food because I was alone and kind of scared and it seemed to offer some comfort. Still, I wasn't "fat." By the time I was 20, I was in the 140's and really started to feel embarrassed about my weight. I stopped tucking in my shirts and didn't wear a bathing suit in public. I still didn't really feel like I needed to make any diet changes or start exercising. I didn't know how, anyway. When I got married, I immediately gained 15 to 20 pounds and then I got pregnant. I gained 45 pounds with that pregnancy and didn't lose it after the baby. I was 183 pounds. A year after having the baby, I went to Weight Watchers. That was my first time I paid money to lose weight. I lost 10 pounds in the first week! I lost 23 pounds and then got pregnant again...on purpose. I gained 35 pounds with this 2nd pregnancy and actually looked and felt great. I even started to lose the weight after having the baby. Then, due to some post-partum depression or anxiety or something, some doctor put me on some medications that made me gain 20 pounds in 6 weeks! I kept that weight on even after I got off the medication. Over the next 4 years, I did Body for Life, Weight Watchers (again), The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet, The Zone Diet, LA Weightloss and Adkins. I did best with LA Weightloss, losing 31 pounds, and also Adkins losing 27 pounds. I gained everything back after LA Weightloss and then got pregnant again after Adkins. I gained 52 pounds with the pregnancy and lost half of it after the pregnancy. I stayed around 200 pounds for a while and then it started to go up so about a year and a half ago, I did LA Weightloss again and was able to go from 218 down to 196, but it was very hard and I didn't stick to it very well. This past summer, I did Adkins again and went from 217 down to 194. So, back to the question. I have not maintained my weightloss because, 1: I didn't address my reasons for abusing food. 2: I have let myself down over and over and over and over again. Why would I believe in myself now? 3: Because I didn't like myself enough. Sometimes when we are raising our children, we don't like to tell them no, but sometimes we have to love them enough to say no and to discipline them and keep them from things that may bring them harm. I havn't done that for myself.